literature

Time is running out...

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Takanahara's avatar
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Literature Text

I browse these personals every now and then, hoping that maybe I'll read a message like this from you. It's a hell of a long shot, but I don't know what else to do:

We've worked together over two years now. We've been through a lot and in that time and we've become very close. You're one of the nicest guys I've ever met. You're beautiful on the inside and on the outside. And though I never saw it coming, so I couldn't help but fall for you.

Here's the thing: you (probably) don't know that I'm gay.

You may suspect it, but you've never questioned me on it. To most, we probably act like two straight guys who like to joke around and act juvenile, almost like an older brother and a little brother (me seeming to be the youngest though by age I'm older). But I feel something much more for you. And sometimes I wonder if you feel it, too, or if it is my wishful thinking and imagination.

Straight guys mess around, but I wonder: Do straight guys say or write "I love you" as much as we do, even if they're messing around? What about massaging each other's shoulders at work? Those times you gave me a ride after a few drinks, laughing about wanting "road head". Were you just messing around or was there part of you that was serious?

But then I think about other things.

We've spent a few nights together in hotel rooms. I am forced to believe that if you were interested, you would have made a move. I once offered to share my bed with you, but you quickly declined and chose the couch. So that makes me think that I'm imagining things.

I think back to the first time we roomed together and you left the bathroom door partly open when you showered. I've never had a guy leave the bathroom door open while he showered. But maybe you didn't want the mirror to fog.

Thanksgiving of last year, we had more than a few drinks in the office. We wound up using the bathroom at the same time, and I KNOW that you snuck a peek. That is one thing I didn't imagine. But maybe you were just curious?

The last time we roomed together we woke up that Sunday after some pretty heavy stuff (and some pretty heavy drinking) You got out of the shower and dropped your towel in the entry way of the hotel. I stuck my neck out a bit so I could catch a glimpse around the corner. We were pretty drunk, so again I have to wonder: innocent, drunken incident (and more wishful thinking) or something more?

I must blame our traveling work for the hotel incidents.

And the texts and emails we send. We seem to be able to say so much more to each other this way than face to face. I am posting this because I'm too scared to say this to you in person. But the things we write to each other, "I miss you", when one of us is gone. The play of sexual phrases we say to each other. All of this makes me wonder.

You talk a lot about how you like girls, and I know that you hooked up a few times. So that makes me think that you just like to goof around and that I am imagining attraction from you. I think about the times you could have called me if you'd wanted to be with me, but never did. It reminds me of how I've never called you even though I want to be with you.

So where are you at in this relationship between us?

Are you just a super nice straight guy who likes to mess around, act immature at times and say and do quite a few gay things? Maybe you do suspect that I'm gay and are flattered by the way I respond, knowing how flustered I get each and every time. Or are you in the same boat as me and afraid (as I am) to make a move?

I just know that time is running out since you're going away soon and I don't know what to do.
Do I stay silent and possibly miss an opportunity, but also probably save myself heartache and embarrassment?

I just know that I'm scared if I'm wrong, but I'm scared if I'm right. Either way, I don't think I have the courage to take that kind of risk, not unless I get to a point where I'm a hell of a lot more sure about this and about you. My dream is that you feel the same way as I do, that you'll read this and that you'll want to see if we have something between us. But who follows their dreams nowadays?

If you do read this and know who this is and DON'T feel the same way, I hope that you'll keep this private between us. I pray that if it's the latter, nothing will change between us, for I can't bear losing you out of my life. Maybe you did feel the same way I do about you, and now that you read this those feelings have changed. Perhaps it's the opposite.


I hope and pray that you will read this and give it some thought.
So I was late up this night, unable to sleep. Not sure what's keeping me up right now. But out of nowhere and from absolutely nothing, this came up in my mind. For your information, this does NOT describe any situation in my life, so please get that out of your head before you go posting comments about that. Anyways... Now that I have finished it and re-read it through, I've come to realize how much what this is reflects so many people and situations. Comes to show how much love doesn't judge, and how much it can hurt when fear comes in to play. Think on it, maybe people will open their eyes more and see what's out there. After re-reading this again, I have actually teared up quite a bit.

Please provide feedback, my watchers and fans! ^_^
© 2010 - 2024 Takanahara
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Felixan's avatar
I really love this. :D
I would love to have another part to this maybe from the other mans pov.